Listening is at the heart of Assertive Communication, the way to resolve conflict and disagreement is to understand the basis of the conflict and both sides need to share their view and listen to the opposing view to achieve this. When done skillfully this helps surface and regulate the emotions that are often driving the conflict

When wanting to get our ideas across or push forward with a situation there can be an assumption that the key is to dominate the discussion - fill the airtime and people will fall into line but does it work?

In certain situations leaders have to make a decision and push it through but as a long term leadership strategy it will:

• Demotivate

• Stifle debate

• Kill creativity and innovation

• Disempower or disengage your workforce or team

This approach may be driven by a belief that listening = agreeing, if people voice their views and ideas then I will have to adopt them, I’ll have to give in. This is a very black and white view and as ever there is plenty of space in the grey to explore which involves listening, being curious, asking open questions and reflecting. All of this will:

• Build understanding

• Stimulate creativity and engagement

• Build trust

• Open up alternative views

• Include all the knowledge, experience and diversity in the room

• Allow people to feel heard and seen

At the end of all of that you may still believe your idea is the right one and go with your original decision but the investment of time spent listening will enable you to acknowledge other perspectives and explain your thinking around the decision. Or you may well change course completely or partially. You will be building a culture that encourages discussion, exploration and respect.

Come and listen to me on 24th September at my LIVE POWER OF ASSERTIVENESS WORKSHOP I will listen to you apply the Assertiveness model to your own dilemmas and challenges. In a small group we will explore how Assertiveness can help you build your communication skills.

Thanks to Kyle Smith for the wonderful image – what a great picture to carry as a reminder to listen!

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Rachel Goodwin

– Director